Trying Not to Figure It Out

Figuring out the clues, putting the pieces together, solving the puzzle. Man, figuring it out is awesome! That’s the “thing” that opens the door to so much and brings success. That “thing” is what has been holding things up and is just what I’ve been waiting for.

It is so easy to slip back into that mindset. I could rack my brain and energy on figuring out how it all fits together and what it all means. But then, if I do that, I’m missing out on what’s going on now. Instead of moving forward, I’m stuck. I’m sitting there hanging out as I try to reach a conclusion.

Enjoying the journey and continuing to take steps forward are themes I’ve been drawn to in books I’ve been reading and even posts. Getting stuck, lost, confused, overwhelmed–frozen instead of movement. I’m catching myself right before I slip back into this moment.

But I found another piece of the puzzle! I connect with and have always been drawn to the outsiders, the ones sitting by themselves, the ones who feel they don’t belong or are so different from everyone else, the ones who aren’t able to express themselves and feel free to live their purpose. I empower them and confirm their worth and value. I heal the wounds and open them to love. I’ve been having this resurface multiple times and it fits in. It fits in some how, some way. But how? I’m not sure how long I was frozen last time. I think I sat with this for at least a week, and then other distractions took over and delayed me even more.

I need to keep moving. I can’t allow myself to freeze anymore. Each moment I freeze, I delay my assistance. The thought of how much time I’ve wasted makes me sick and disappointed. I’ve been practicing compassion and forgiveness of my past actions, yet use the experience of wasted time to drive me to not make the mistake again. I need to keep moving. I’m trying not to figure it out.