One thing is obvious, many of us love to have control. In such an unpredictable world, we cling to control as a security blanket in the hopes that we can determine the outcome. How does that work for you? An even bigger question, how is your health? How are your relationships?

Control is misleading because it gives us a sense of security, but we often end up losing what we truly desire and suffering in other ways.

Let’s look at relationships. Maybe you try to control the actions of others. It drives you crazy when they do this or don’t do that. You find yourself barking orders and attacking them most, if not all, the time. They start to get resentful and the relationship suffers. Maybe you control your own actions to create a particular outcome. You ignore your true desires, beliefs and feelings to generate this outcome. The real you gets further and further from your everyday life.

Physically, a lot of stress is placed on the body. Muscles become tense and build up lactic acid disrupting the flow of blood and oxygen. The fibers shorten significantly affecting range of motion and causing pain. The stomach produces a lot more acid lowering the pH of the body and compromising the digestive system. Constipation, gas, bloating, acid reflux, stomach pains, ulcers, malabsorption, irritation, food sensitivies and more can occur. Blood pressure and the heart are also affected. The list can go on!

Freely expressing yourself creatively and in play may also be limited. You hold yourself back in creating a project because it has to perfect. You think you’re too old to play (only kids are allowed to play) or worry what others will think. You physically have a difficult time letting go because your body is so tense that it is difficult to move and flow.

It can be hard to let go.

People deal with the effects of control and find a way to let go, at least a little, in various ways. Some use various substances, such as alcohol or drugs, to help them let go. Some participate in activities, such as massage or yoga, or sports they enjoy as a way to gain release. Some just stay with the feeling because they fear their world will crumble if they let go even for a moment.

Are you trying to create balance?

Early on, I started recognizing this pattern: those who were very controlling in one area of their life felt out of control in another. In their own way they were creating a balance. Take a look at your life and see where you seek control. Pay attention to your physical body and your actions for clues. Once you acknowledge and become aware of the controlling behavior can it be changed. Remember your reasons for controlling may be very deep. Have compassion for yourself as you heal. And even though there are times it will be scary and unknown, just remember

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